X. Insight humor illustrated

It is now obvious that our ordinary language can mislead us. Therefore, Wittgenstein wrote,

What is your aim in philosophy?-To show the fly the way out of the fly-bottle. (1968: #309)

A. Introduction. Insight Humor: Humor about Religion

The world consists of two classes: one with wit and no religion,

and one with religion and no wit. (Syrian poet)

Religion is the ultimate irrationality. (A. N. Whitehead 1938:208)

Religion is the one thing above all which is not allowed to be taken humorously. It is regarded as divine, as absolutely true and unquestionable. It is beyond criticism it is thought. Therefore, it is not even a proper subject to be "studied." It is only to be believed, or followed. It is beyond question, beyond humor. Humor about religion is censored just as any dogmatic or authoritarian view censors all opposing views. There is a prevalent ban on humor about religion. The internet site, anti-humor.com is a group of Christians who are "proudly fighting on God's side against humor." Morreall (1999) wrote, "God has no sense of humor" (78); "Few biblical references to God's laughter, but to the laughter of scorn, not to the laughter of amusement" (78); There is next to nothing about comedy or humor in the thousands of books of Christian theology." (118) Puritans and St. John Chrysostom outlawed humor. In the United States we may and do criticize our government, but not our religions. One who deals with or presents such humor does so at great peril. Why is this the case?

This situation tells us something. Whenever we forbid humor, it tells us that we are afraid and weak, that we cannot allow honest, open inquiry. We take our views too seriously and absolutely. There is an oppressive immorality about banning religious humor. Jesus said, "Woe unto you that laugh." Is religion so insecure that we cannot explore it by means of humor? On the other hand, G. K. Chesterton wrote, "It is the test of a good religion whether you can joke about it." (cf. Yakut Humor im Islam 1997)

Socrates said, "The gods too are fond of a joke." (Cratylus) Tesauro (1670) and Gracián (1642), said that God is a comedian, a maker of riddles and farfetched conceits for humans to enjoy and resolve. One such riddle is that of Tertullian: "I believe it [religion] because it is absurd." In Elton Trueblood's "Holy Laughter" (Hyers 1969:184) it is suggested that "God cannot be…lacking in humor." This is especially true if the gods are of our own making. If we wish for the gods to have humor, we can just declare it and the miracle will happen. Matthew (6:16) states, "Do not look dismal." Kierkegaard (Sandok 1975) wrote, "Therefore, must the religious man, most of all men, discover the comical," and "Humor is also the joy which has overcome the world." This must, of course, be interpreted in terms of Kierkegaard's work on irony. Simon Stylites (1960:207, 239) wrote: "To say that there is a true relation between humor and religion does not mean that religion shouldn't be taken with deadly seriousness-a blunder which many have made. Humor is a moral banana skin dedicated to the discomfiture of all who take themselves too solemnly."

Humor is involved in oriental religions, such as Zen Buddhism. The Buddha is regarded as a combination of opposites. One may say, "Ah, Buddha, you are handsome and ugly." The philosopher, Unamuno, in his approach to religion similarly combined opposites. Ian Ramsey (1964:69) states, "What is not verbally odd is void of disclosure power."

Metaphor, conceit and humor are thought to give insight. We have, then, in some theories, come a long way from thinking that humor can have no place in religion, or that it must be feared and censored. Yet, in our everyday discourse, jokes about religion are still taboo and censored. On the other hand, such humor survives anyway. There are religious jokes, religious satire, religious plays, and films which use humor to criticize or explore religion.

What is important here is to honestly face the issue and see what religious humor people actually use. Next, we can use insight humor to explore and provide criticism of the concepts and methods of religion. This is what is meant by the philosophy of religion. The average person has no knowledge of this. Pro and con religious humor counter each other. The well-known philosopher-humanist, Bertrand Russell (1957:30), suggested that we: "Apply solvent criticism especially to the beliefs that we find it most painful to doubt, and to those most likely to involve us in violent conflict with [people] who hold opposite…beliefs." Leo Pfeffer (1967:667), one of the foremost authorities on church-state separation, wrote: "Ridicule has always been employed by the adherents of competing faiths….Satire and ridicule are often found in religious argument. A vital part of one's freedom to practice one's religion is the freedom to combat any religious error, and, indeed, to reveal opposing religious views as ridiculous and absurd."

We need religious freedom only inasmuch as it does not interfere with public benefit, but we also need the freedom and right to create insight humor. Pfeffer believes that we, at last, have that right: "The Supreme Court would hold all blasphemy statutes unconstitutional." (Ibid. 675) Until fairly recently fourteen states still had statutes punishing blasphemy as a civil crime. These statutes forbid ridiculing religion, or saying that the Bible is just fable or contains lies. Judge Parker, in a 1894 Kentucky case stated: "In the code of laws of a country enjoying absolute religious freedom there is no place for the common law crime of blasphemy." (Pfeffer 1967:666)

Freedom of religion is defended, but this freedom in no way extends to freedom from criticism. To free religion from criticism is to establish it as a state religion in violation of the First Amendment of the Constitution. The purpose of the Constitution is not to defend dogma or exercise censorship of any belief. Where human concern and honest inquiry are sought, we must have open inquiry, open discussion and the right to create humor about any subject whatsoever. The Oxford philosopher, John Wilson (1970:8), put it this way:

Another way of defending ourselves against thinking-is to say things like 'Reason can only get you so far; after that you have to make the leap of faith,' or 'You have to rely on intuition'…that just because you believe something, that by itself makes what you believe right or true. A lot of words, like 'faith,' or 'revelation,' or 'intuition,' are used to cover up this idea, which in its naked form is obviously silly....To be willing to give reasons, to have your beliefs out in public, to allow them to be inspected and challenged, is essential for all kinds of thinking.

One test of rationality is, then, being open to criticism and being able to change our thinking on that basis. The following is insight humor. It is intended to explore and challenge religious belief, time, or any other subject, but not to ridicule it. Ridicule is merely any expression of value judgments, or disapproval, and is not argument. In addition, ridicule was shown not to be a genuine type of humor. Ridicule is, perhaps, never acceptable. Because the gender status of god is unknown or varies from religion to religion, it is referred to here as "he," "she" or "it," but mostly as "he," in keeping with those who believe in a Christian god. God may or may not be capitalized. God may also refer to one or more gods.) One article published in the National Education Association publication considers whether or not God would qualify for tenure in a university. (Sonenfield, Advocate 1978:7) The committee decides that God does not qualify. Sonenfield wrote, "The candidate seems to have authored two highly influential books although there is reason to suppose that he may have had a number of collaborators. Even many of the candidate's most outspoken admirers admit to a lack of clarity, and even inconsistency."

Realhumor. The following examples show the kinds of religious humor people actually use. Humor about religion can give insight for religion, against religion, show doubt, or be neither for nor against. The main point to be made here is that whichever way humor is used, in accordance with actual usage (or Realhumor), it is in fact a powerful tool for insight and argument.

B. Humor about Religion by Type

Accident. Actor trips on a Bible and falls down. (Also cosmic irony.) Bird takes a bath in holy water.

Ambiguity. We should exorcise every day. "The friars are called 'Fathers' and they often are." (Erasmus) Bars should be tax-exempt because they also deal with spirits. The Bible gives us "hell." "The poles are kissing as they cross." (Dylan Thomas 1957:3) "Does anyone still go to church?"-"Only the die-hards."

Allegory. 1. This wafer stands for the body. "Isn't that cannibalism?" 2. "We read off God in nature." "Would you read this pencil?" 3. "God is every smile." "Then what do we need God for if we have the smile? 4. A spire is built to point to God. It is built so high it weakens the church structure causing the church to fall. (Golding, The Spire 1964) 5. "But now if I say, 'The bread and wine change into the body and blood of Christ,' what can I mean? If you test the bread and wine before and after the communion service, it appears to be exactly the same; there isn't any test which would show any change in it at all." (John Wilson, 1968:17)

Analogy. "Many of their reports have the remarkable feature that they tell us that the god they have experienced is the only god who exists….No one comes back from the Congo and tells us that the kind of mammal s/he saw there is the only kind of mammal there is." (Richard Robinson 1964:125) "'The Asamat [of Irian Jaya, New Guinea] believe that when they...ate a person, they became that person and absorbed his skills,' says Trenk, an anthropologist….'This is similar, of course, to the Catholic belief that we eat the body of Christ to become Christ.' The 55-year-old priest shoots me a mischievous glance: 'What are Catholics, after all. but ritualistic cannibals?'" (O'Neill, 1996:26)

Circular. 1. I'll only believe it if it is mystical. 2. You will lose your soul if you criticize "soul." 3. You will not be saved if you criticize The Savior. 4. "God only knows what 'God' means." (Prof. Sidney Hook 1976:23) 5. God helps those who help themselves. 6. That there is order in the universe only shows that there is order in the universe. 7. If you believe you will be saved, then you will be saved (inasmuch as you believe it). 7. "Resist God and He will fly from you." (Samuel Butler) 8. Proof by hypnosis. 9. "'What is unsayable is unsayable,' is a significant tautology." (Nielsen 1970:143) 10. Fiction is the kind of argument in which priests are put in as premises. 11. God is divine. 12. God is he who is. 13. God exists because God exists. 14. Everyone is religious and metaphysical whether they know it or not. 15. God exists, because He made the world.

Conceit. God is a comedian and maker of riddles and farfetched conceits (i.e. metaphors). (Gracián 1642, Tesauro 1968)

Context Deviation. 1. "If I said, 'Smith always answers when you speak to him,'…you know what I mean….But now suppose I say, 'God answers prayer.' You go away and pray, and say, 'O God, answer me this question, or give me that thing,' and nothing happens. You don't hear a voice, or get the thing, or if you do get the thing, you see no reason to believe that it was God-you might have got it by luck, or by hard work, or from a friend….You ought to begin to wonder what I mean by 'answer.'…And now it's not clear that I really mean anything by the word 'answer.'" (John Wilson (1968:16) 2. The fetus is innocent. 3. The fetus is a person. Father Fetus. If the fetus is a person, would you take a fetus to lunch? 4. Causa sui (self-caused). God created Him/It/Herself. 5. What does God eat for breakfast? 6. Sure God exists, but would it hold up in court? 7. "Mysteries are not necessarily miracles." (Goethe) 8. "God is dead." But something has to live in order to be dead.

Contradiction. Type I: Analytic or Combining Opposites.[1] 1. "Believing what we don't believe does not exhilarate." (Emily Dickinson 1979:Poem #1741) 2. enlightened dogma, opulent poverty of the church, censored education, "benevolent neutrality," immaculate conception, "neutral church/state involvement" of church into affairs of state, indoctrinated, free conscience, truth by authority, proof by faith. 3. God makes people fallible by belief in God. 4. Church dogma has improved through the years. 5. God is love; God is vengeful. 6. proven miracle, knowledge by ignorance, proving by not proving, find truth in falsity (myth), believe what you cannot know, harmful harmlessness, proof by the unknown, knowing by means of an intelligence too limited to know, solve problems by denying intelligence, knowledge of the unknown, life after death, dishonest truth, true lie, true myth, weekday scientists, materialistic spiritualism, disbelieve evidence, unverifiable proof, truth by desire. 7. "I believe in God," means "I haven't proof and so I don't really know there is a god." 8. The only excuse for God is that He doesn't exist. (Nietzsche, and Stendahl) 9."One can't believe impossible things." "I dare say you haven't much practice," said the Queen. "When I was your age, I always did it for half an hour a day. Why, sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast." (Carroll TLG 1960:174) 10. In the beginning God created time. 11. I have no prejudices, thank God. 12. The proof of God is miracle. 13. Each religion is the only truth. 14. I know the unknown will come. 15. God's knowledge is so superior to human knowledge that we can't even know that it is. 16. The physical is metaphysical. 17. After you die. you'll know everything. 18. Is God is so intelligent that s/he can create a world s/he cannot understand? 19. Is God is so intelligent that she can prove that she is a man?

20. God exists. but we can never know Her, because She surpasses our understanding. 21. The only possible truth is Catholicism, Protestantism, Buddhism, Judaism, Atheism. 22. I don't know what I know. 23. Argument from design: There is order in the world (We put it there by the way in which we see the world). 24. "Enlightened religion is a contradiction." (Dewey 1934:26) 25. "Tillich and many like him use 'God' in such a way that God is so powerful that He doesn't even have to exist." (Nielsen in Hook 1961:270-281) 26. God is too perfect to be perfect. 27. "Much madness is divinest sense/ To a discerning eye-/ Much sense-the starkest madness." (Emily Dickinson 1979:#435. I:337) 28. To deny thought itself to achieve salvation is to deny oneself to save oneself. 29. "We are for religion against the religious." (Victor Hugo. in Flesch 1957:241) 30. "It is the final proof of God's omnipotence that he need not exist in order to save us." (De Vries 1958) 31. "Hypnotize yourself into believing." (Prof. Richard Robinson 1964:120) 32. "'Oh well. I suppose she is enjoying eternal bliss, but I wish you wouldn't talk about such unpleasant subjects.'" (Bertrand Russell 1972:24)

Contradiction. Type II: Incongruity and Inconsistency. Holy war. Mysticism gives comfort at the price of intelligibility. Dogma gives pleasure at the expense of humor. "We can, of course, all easily see that other people's Gods are immoral." (Richard Robinson 1964:138) If you believe there are fairies in catsup, you are insane, but if you believe there are ghosts and angels, you are religious. "Man is kind enough when he is not excited by religion." (Mark Twain) "If everything happens in accordance with God's will, God must have wanted Nero to murder his mother; therefore, since God is good, the murder must have been a good thing." (Bertrand Russell 1972:9) Pro-life people often believe in killing in a "just" war. Each one has a right to his or her own irrational belief. Amen, for empirical observation. May God protect you from religion. We believe in nothing so firmly as what we least know. (Montaigne) Religious freedom under one God. You have a God given right to be an atheist. "A god who wished us to decide certain questions without regard to the evidence would definitely not be a perfectly good god." (Prof. Richard Robinson 1964:113-157) "The aims and intentions of my life have been…being satisfied with the cold fact that there is no life after death." (H. Allen Smith, humorist) Religion is a legitimate form of insanity, war is another. United States Government Church. "Religion without any creeds." (Louise Driscoll in Partnow 1977:158) "The truths of religion are never so well understood as by those who have lost the power of reasoning." (Voltaire, in Stevenson 1948:p. 1949)

Contradiction. Type III: (Contradicts Experience) Eternal punishment. Jesus was born of a virgin. "Do you pray?"-"Not if I catch myself at it." God is self-caused. We are guilty of original sin born. Walking on water. A burning bush which does not burn what is in it. Feeding masses on a few fish and loaves of bread. Vertical parting of the Red Sea. Mystical science.

Defense Mechanisms. Religion has been thought of by some as a defense mechanism against death and all of one's fears. The irony is that defense mechanisms do not defend, but distort reality, for example, rationalization and wish fulfillment. The Church seems to be more concerned with the "next life" than with this one. The literature suggests that belief in God is a defense mechanism which defends only at the expense of one's intelligence and humanity.

Compensation. "She prays before, during, and after eating a hot dog."

Rationalization. Whenever you try to see God, he suddenly becomes invisible. God will solve all my problems. You don't have to worry, God is with you. So who wants to go to heaven, anyway, it's probably boring.

Superiority. God is all-knowing and more powerful than a duck or anything else. Deity: I'm the greatest and best. Worship only me.

Denial. No sense to ask if God exists, He does. Way to keep the faith: I don't want to talk about it. Talk about religion?-Very poor taste, antisocial. Don't talk about religion, it might affect your beliefs. I just know God exists. It is sacrilegious to question religion. If it is not in the Bible, it is false-except for some computer things and new weapons.

Fixation. There is only one answer to every question you can ask: Zeus.

Identification. I figured it out, I am God.

Intellectualization. God is pure, infinite, eternal, absolute, perfect, being-in-itself which is unacceptable to the being-for-itself which perfects the nothingness of wisdom. God is one, truth, good, being and my aunt Nellie. My cat is infinite and eternal.

Introjection (Direct one's attitude toward others, instead against oneself.) Stop sinning, you are making me feel guilty. If I hear one more confession, I won't be able to face myself.

Projection. God is a bumbler, really is quite lazy when you come right down to it. God did a bit of good old sinning and messing around in his or her own time, too, you know. He thinks that God is women.

Reaction Formation. (Doing the opposite of what is expected, or of the rational.) I believe in God because Marxists don't. If I lived in Spain, Italy or South America, I'd be an atheist. You tell me your belief and then I'll tell you what I don't believe. The best way to get more Christians is to tell them they can't go to church. The best way to get believers is to outlaw religion. The best way to get believers is to tell them there are intelligible arguments against the existence of god.

Regression. 1. Give me that ol' time religion. It was good enough for my father and mother and good enough for me. 2. Good old Bacchus. 3. The church members went to a "retreat." 4. Don't bother reading anything new, it's all in the Bible.

Repression. (Not face an issue. Censorship.) "Parents may be free to become martyrs themselves. But it does not follow they are free, in identical circumstances, to make martyrs of their children before they have reached the age of full and legal discretion when they can make that choice for themselves." (Justice Rutledge, Prince v. Commonwealth of Mass., 1944) Children should not be taught or indoctrinated into religion until they are at least at the legal drinking age.

Sublimation. I don't need sex, God loves me. My, you have been writing a lot of romantic religious poetry lately. Do you think God can stand that much gush?

Symbolization. God is a glass of water in the middle of a desert. This cross will protect me from all evil. Do you really think that emblem of a tortured dead man (the cross) around your neck is a good idea? This wafer is the body.-Wouldn't you prefer a cheeseburger?

Transference. 1. I have a cat I pet. God's like that. 2. God is my dad. We have fun fishing. He can ride horses too.

Wish fulfillment. God gave me a cookie last night. It had nice chocolate bits in it too. I love God. "I was lonely, poor, tired, tripped over my own feet and couldn't do anything right. Then God came to me." "He told me to pray everyday, and whenever I asked for something I would get it. But it warn't so. I tried it. Once I got a fishline, but no hooks." (Mark Twain) (also "sinking," and "reduce to absurd humor")

Deviation Humor

Deviation from Desires. Faith: eagerness to be wrong. To believe in the devil, but not God. To believe in God, but not immortality. To believe in God and that God is absolutely worthless. "There is no humor in heaven." (Mark Twain in Tripp 1970:293)

Deviation from the Familiar. God is green. We believe in an afterlife, we just don't believe there is a god. "Not one person in a thousand has either strength of mind or goodness of heart to be an Atheist." (Samuel Taylor Coleridge)

Deviation from the Ideal. Isn't it too quiet in heaven?

Deviation from the Practical. It's a new kind of lightning rod in case your prayers misfire. God created the world by accident. He did it just for fun.

Deviation from Purpose. An edible, candy Bible. On the way to the Church he tripped over a homeless street person who should not have been in the way.

Deviation from Rule.

There is only one God, but don't put

all your eggs in one basket.

Deviation from Language. "God" is the word "good" misspelled (also insight humor).

Deviation from the Usual. In China, "soul chicken" is placed on the coffin to induce the soul to accompany the body. In Tibet, the Buddhist belief is that a hair from the scalp must be removed in order to allow the soul to escape. In Persia, the Zoroastrians purify by means of cow urine, giving new meaning to the idea of religious purification.

Escape or Release. God will solve my problems, so I don't need to do anything. Deny reality: "Never did like reality much-'cept for blancmange." Why escape with religion, when we can escape with humor?

Exaggeration Humor. God: "I'm the greatest, best, and most perfect. Don't even bother questioning it."

Expand Metaphor. 1. We are sheep following our shepherd in the barnyard of God. 2. Isn't it wonderful that he died-he is probably in heaven now, lucky guy. 3. As we go down the road of truth and honesty, there are detours and traffic jams. Amen, for traffic jams. Amen, for left turns. 4. In the McCollum Case, Supreme Court, Justice Frankfurter wrote: "Separation means separation, not something less. Jefferson's metaphor in describing the relation between church and state speaks of a 'wall of separation' not a fine line easily overstepped." 5. "God's eye sees everything. Are eyebrows going to be talked of in connection with the Eye of God." (Wittgenstein 1966:71) 6. Recipe for God: Leave out salt, sugar, flour, eggs, don't heat, but pray. 7. Mystical objects have mystical rules, mystical proofs and mystical results. 8. If the fertilized egg is a potential person, one who aborts should only receive a potential sentence for potential murder of a potential fetus. 9. If the fertilized egg is a person, the unfertilized egg and sperm are also people.

Defeated Expectation Humor. "Sunday should be different from another day. People may walk, but not throw stones at birds." (Dr. Johnson) God exists……in your head. Jesus saves……at the Vatican Bank.

False Blame. 1. You were just born. Then you are guilty-guilty of original sin. 2. Why did God make me fail that exam?

False Reason. 1. All disease is caused by sin. 2. "'We ought to do what God wills because God will punish us if we do not obey him'…is hardly a morally good reason for doing what he commands since such consideration of self-interest cannot be an adequate basis for morality." (Kai Nielsen 1973:4) 3. Do everything I tell you or you will be tortured by the invisible god. 4. He stole the money because evil spirits entered him. 5. My automobile hasn't been working. It must be possessed by the devil.

False Statement. There are four heavens.

Free Association. God, govern, gold, gone.

Grammar Deviation. "God is." "Is what?"

Blatant Honesty. "Historically, it is quite doubtful whether Christ ever existed at all, and if He did we do not know anything about Him." (Bertrand Russell, 1957:16) The religious goal is : one religious school, one religious religion, one religious world. (cf. Canon law # 22, Truman 1960, Blanshard 1960) "If God bores you, tell Him that He bores you, that you prefer the vilest amusements to His presence." (Fenlon) Religion is a pack of lies, an opiate of the masses, a defense mechanism, hypocrisy, blind prejudice, self-hypnotism-a lot of noise. I love it.

Sherman of American Atheist Press "Surely you recognize the equal citizenship and patriotism of Americans who are atheists?" George Bush (Chicago Aug. 27, 1987) "No, I don't know that atheists should be considered as citizens, nor should they be considered patriots. This is one nation under God."

Hopelessness. God is absurd so why not believe it? If I believe in a god, I will be saved-but suppose I pick the wrong one?

Hypocrisy. Religion: It's all done with mirrors. Be greedy-live forever. "The devil can cite Scripture for his purpose." (Shakespeare Merchant of Venice 1.3.98) My gods are better than your gods. "The religion of one seems madness to another." (Sir Thomas Browne 1685:Ch. 2, Hydriotaphia) "Acknowledgment that we do not know what we do not know is a necessity of all intellectual integrity." (John Dewey 1934:86) Never kill, except in holy wars. Pilots prayed before bombing missions in the Middle East in the Gulf War-What were they praying for?-That their bombs would or would not kill everyone in sight? Always be kind to everyone, except when they attack your religion. "The religion of one age is the literary entertainment of the next." (Emerson, in Prochnow 1969:285) I know wine is blood, Father, but why do you need so much blood? All I do is get them to believe what they want to believe and then have them send their money to us. "He wears his faith but as the fashion of his hat: it ever changes with the next block." (Shakespeare, Much Ado About Nothing 1.1.75) "The theologian arrives at the unthinkable, the inconceivable, and he calls this God. The scientist arrives at the unthinkable, the inconceivable, and he calls it the unknown." (Robert Ingersoll) Only 67% of German Catholics believe in God; of those who seldom attend church, 37% believe in God; "Only every second German believes in God." (Der Spiegel 34 (46) Nov. 10, 1980:76) Only 39% of German Protestants believe in God. (Der Spiegel, 34 (47) Nov. 17, 1980:67, 71) A later survey by the magazine, Ella, found that only one in three Germans believes in God. "The Vatican owns the controlling interest in an Italian drug company which sells birth control pills. Druggists often sell the pill saying it is only to 'reduce nervous tension.'" (Larson & Lowell 1969:227-229) Religion on Sunday, science on weekdays. "That part of one's religion which is convenient, that one will never drop." (A. A. Horn) "Religious people refuse to be guided by reason and evidence…in theology. They are determined to believe there is a God no matter what the evidence." (Robinson in Angeles 1976:116, 117) The Bible says not to be angry, unless, of course, you say something against the Bible. Religion is good for business. "The church has owned tax-exempt hotels, theaters, TV and radio stations, aircraft factories, steel and oil companies, bra factories, cattle ranches, pleasure resorts, and a 320 acre Chicago garbage dump." (Larson & Lowell 1976:Ch. 19) "John Mill compared a number of these manuscripts of the New Testament, and found that they differed from each other in thirty thousand places.…Other people discovered upwards of a hundred thousand various readings.…It is from these imperfect and discordant manuscripts that people have to make their Greek and Hebrew Bibles." (Joseph Barker, English writer) "People cannot make a flea, yet they will make gods by the dozen." (Montaigne in Tripp 1970:790) "If a book is listed on the [censored books] Index, all good believers read it in order to know how bad it is." (Elbert Hubbard) "People choose the book considered sacred by the community in which they are born, and out of that book they choose the parts they like, ignoring the others." (Bertrand Russell 1972:9) Secular education: The Seton Series in Arithmetic, used in parochial schools, has in it over fourteen pictures of saints, priests, and angels in its first grade mathematics book.

21 Angels

+ 63 Angels

= 84 Angels

HEAVENLY MATH

"In God we trust," the Supreme Court decided, is not a religious symbol, but just a "token"-a legal pun made into law. It is just a meaningless phrase. If we replaced it with, "In Buddha we trust," would that also be just a meaningless phrase?

Some argue that we should teach the Bible as literature in secondary schools. Should we also teach Klu Klux Klan beliefs as literature? "Make me chaste and continent, but not just yet." (Saint Augustine) "The final belief is to believe in a fiction, which you know to be a fiction." (Wallace Stevens 1957:163) "A lot of words, like 'faith,' or 'revelation,' or' intuition,' are used to cover up this idea [that believing alone makes something true], which in its naked form is obviously silly." (John Wilson, 1968:4) "Congress members present many pro-religious bills which their sponsors present without any substantial hope of adoption. No matter how nonsensical the bills are, they can be printed with the Congress member's name as sponsor and circulated to those sectarian advocates who enjoy seeing their ideas enshrined in a government document." (P. Blanshard 1960:99) Some, such as L. Pfeffer, doubt that there will ever be any test of the federal religious exemption statutes, and that if one should occur the Court will employ a fiction in upholding its validity. "A well-known…[religious] textbook [C. McFadden, Medical Ethics] advises doctors and nurses to deceive patients by this method [of "mental reservation"] when they see fit to do so. If a feverish patient, for example, asks what his [or her] temperature is, the doctor is advised to answer: 'Your temperature is normal today,' while making the mental reservation that it is normal for someone in the patient's precise physical condition." (Bok 1978:37)

Ignorance Humor. (See also Argument from Ignorance under Logical Fallacies.) We put heavy religious stones on graves to make sure nothing comes up. "Religion was…an opiate for the people." (David Colony, priest) "It is impossible to defeat an ignorant person in an argument." (William McAdoo) Agape refers to metaphysical love of a fictional being. Idealized "love" requires not knowing about the object loved. Thus we may hear: "God is wonderful!" and then reply, "Ah, then you must know very little about this deity." "Religion is regarded by the common people as true, by the wise as false, and by the rulers as useful." (Seneca) Ignorance transcends knowledge. "Just in the ratio that knowledge increases, faith diminishes." (Thomas Carlyle) "Who created the world?" is more a statement of bewilderment, than a genuine question. The unknown is more pervasive than the known. "Religions are like glow worms; they require darkness to shine in." (Schopenhauer) God transcends knowledge.

Impossible. God exists because we cannot know Him. "Why sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast." (Carroll TLG 1960:174)

Improbable. "I'll live forever."

Insight. The problem with Heaven is, they never heard there of the cognitive theory of emotion. "Ecclesiasticism in science is only unfaithfulness to truth." (Thomas Huxley) The world was created by the question "Who created the world?" "Religion is mere question of geography." (Edward Gibbon, historian) One thing about animals is that they are smart enough not to need religion. "I began to feel that I did not know enough to pay Him set compliments on set days." (Robert Hughes) "A miracle is no miracle second hand." (David Hume) Imagine if the person next door or your partner commanded the same obedience that God commands. If it's possible that God exists, it's possible that He doesn't.

Irony. If a god created the world, then abandoned it immediately. "These savages were so low that they had not even invented bows and arrows, usury, the gallows, or the notion of baptism by complete immersion." (Mencken) "We owe a debt of gratitude to Adam, the first great benefactor of the human race: he brought death into the world." (Mark Twain in Esar 1978:9) He went to a psychiatrist to rid himself of his belief in God, now he believes in Freud. People should believe in ? because without it they would fall apart. "It is all too easy for us to think we are being profound when we are just being muddled." (Knight 1974)

Juxtaposition. "And this is the law of inertia-Amen." Van Gogh's 1885 painting "The Bible" shows a Bible, a burnt-out candle indicating the end of Christianity, juxtaposed with a book entitled, Joie de vivre.

Blatant Lie. God spoke to me on the telephone. In war, God is on our side.

Logical Fallacies

We read: "Religion: in no case is it logic." (Beatrice Potter Webb in Partnow 1977:105) "The religious impulse encourages all the fallacies." (Prof. Richard Robinson 1964:117) Theological and metaphysical arguments are now generally regarded by philosophers as misuses of language and based on informal logical fallacies of the following sorts. Religious language is therefore a rich source of humor. As a typical statement, Professor William Halverson (1976) wrote: "Most philosophers today are at least in agreement on this, that the proof of the existence of God, if it is possible at all, is no easy matter; and it is probably true to say that the majority of them regard it as impossible." (115) "There are no sound arguments for the existence of God." [Ibid., 148, cf. similar statements by: John Wilson (1968), Michael Scriven (1966), Richard Robinson (1964), Kai Nielsen (1973), M. Knight (1955, 1974), D. J. O'Connor (1957), Bertrand Russell (1950, 1957), Sidney Hook (in Angeles, 1976), James Cornman & Lehrer (1974), Peter Angeles, ed. (1976), Saint Thomas Aquinas, etc.].

Abstractionist Fallacy. God is being, one, truth, eternal-luck.

False Appeal to Perfectionism. Are you pure? Only the absolute truth will do.

Appeal to Authority. I believe because the Bible says so. It's true because God said so. Why are you going to the bookstore, all you ever need to know is in the Bible?

Many question Fallacy. "It was none other than Aquinas who taught that on grounds of reason alone we could not tell whether the world had existed from eternity or had been created by God." (Prof. Sidney Hook in Angeles 1976:26) "'Who made everything?' is a silly question…it assumes that somebody rather than something made everything, and it also assumes that everything was made, and didn't just happen….But what makes it really silly is…'Who made God?'" (John Wilson 1968:22)

Argument from Tradition. Paganism is older than Christianity and therefore more true. Zeus created the world and everything in it.

Argument from Familiarity. "Well, it all depends what you've been brought up to believe, doesn't it?" (John Wilson 1968:4) "But I've always been told there is a God." We have always been told that killing in war is pretty wonderful, and it gets a really large budget.

Argument from Majority. The test of truth is to agree with the majority. If they don't like spinach, it's no good. "Most people believe in God." "Most people speak Chinese."

Appeal to Emotion. "People are religious on emotional grounds." (Bertrand Russell 1957) I have the feeling that I am protected by a special fairy. "Most people find it more snug and warm to keep their minds closed." (John Wilson 1960:100)

Ad Hominem. "Christians do not take the attitude of reasonable inquiry towards the proposition that there is a God. If they engage in discussion on the matter at all, they seek more often to intimidate their opponents by expressing shock or disgust at their opinions, or disapproval of their character…they make certain beliefs wicked as such." (Robinson 1964:115)

False Cause. "The whole realm of…religion belongs under this concept of imaginary causes." (Nietzsche) The lightning rod was once condemned by the clergy as an attempt to defeat the will of God. "But aren't you filled with wonder at the beauty of the sky, and sun, those moments of human warmth, etc.?" "Yes. It is wondrous. It is the sky's beauty. Give it back to the sky." "But Religion allows one to live forever." So forget about medical research and nutrition. "I broke my leg, I need a doctor." "No, you don't, just say a few "Our Father's." Inquire into death? We prefer the more direct approach: sing a few hymns, put a few coins in the box, voilà-eternal life. "Devils would settle on the food that monks were about to eat, and would take possession of the bodies of incautious feeders who omitted to make the sign of the cross before each mouthful….People still say "bless you" when one sneezes….The reason was that people were thought to sneeze out their souls." (Bertrand Russell 1972:6 An Outline of Intellectual Rubbish) "When the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals asked the Pope for his support, he refused it on the ground that human beings owe no duty to the lower animals, and that ill-treating animals is not sinful. This is because animals have no souls." (Bertrand Russell 1972:7 An Outline of Intellectual Rubbish)

Argument from Ignorance. "You cannot prove God does not exist, therefore God exists." "If you cannot prove ghosts are not in your head, they are there." "All religions have their miracles, so that if miracles were good evidence for one god they would be good evidence for all the gods." (John Wilson Language and the Pursuit of Truth 1960) John Wilson (Philosophy 1968:2-6) wrote, "People have always disliked thinking, because it's hard work, and it's much easier not to bother." (2) "Saying that it's 'too abstract' or 'academic' is only one [defense against thinking]." (3) "Another is 'Oh, well, it's all a matter of taste anyway.'" (3) "Another is 'Reason can only get you so far; after that you have to make a leap of faith,' or 'You have to rely on intuition.'" (4) "'I just know that …' or 'I just feel that….'" (4)

Taking Metaphors Literally. Billy Graham said, "If the Bible says that Jonah swallowed the whale, let's accept it and believe it; or it the Bible says that two plus two is five, let's believe it." (Paul Blanshard 1963:186) "A main cause of philosophical disease-a one-sided diet: one nourishes one's thinking with only one kind of example." (Wittgenstein 1968:#593) "The religion of one age is the literary entertainment of the next." (R. W. Emerson) "The simple believeth every word." (Proverbs, 14:15) "If only Adam had been content with peaches and nectarines, grapes and pears and pineapples." (Bertrand Russell 1972 An Outline of Intellectual Rubbish)

Metaphor Humor. Regarding tax-exemption, the church is a sacred cow. Religion is like a communicable disease. Barnyard metaphor of the "sheep following shepherd." It's time the tax collectors sheared the religious sheep. "The tremendous question mark called Christianity." (Nietzsche 1954:609) The rhythm method is called "Vatican Roulette."

Name-Calling. "A spleeny Lutheran." (Shakespeare, Henry VIII iii.2.99)

Nonsense. "There is something so ludicrous, in promises of good, or threats of evil, a great way off, as to render the whole subject with which they are connected, easily turned into ridicule. (Abraham Lincoln) "For God is supposed to have created the world out of nothing. Now, in our experience, nothing is or can be created out of nothing." (Prof. S. Hook 1976:27) First tell me what "god" means, if anything, then, we'll see if "god" can be said to exist or not. "Am I to be obliged to believe every absurdity? And, if not, why this one in particular?" (Freud, 1964:43, The Future of an Illusion) "'God exists' must be classified as metaphysical, for nobody has yet produced a satisfactory and unambiguous meaning, and an acceptable method of verification, for dealing with the statement: although plenty of people have produced fallacious arguments for proving it true." (John Wilson 1960:73)

Paradox. In the beginning, God created a beginning. God created himself. If God created the world, who created God? "It is a paradox that an experience, a fact, should seem to have supernatural value." (Wittgenstein) God? is the question to an answer we already have in front of our eyes.

Perceptual Humor. Sheep with crosses around their necks. "God is a mighty man with holes in his eyelids. He can see you wherever you are." (A. Neill 1960:246) I was depressed and miserable when suddenly-God arrived!

Personification. A rat poison in Mexico is named "The Last Supper." Human intelligence is to humans as God's intelligence is to God. Do cats go to heaven? And flies and bugs too? Should we pray for dead flies? "What God lacks is convictions-stability of character. He ought to be a Presbyterian or a Catholic or something-not try to be everything." (Mark Twain) "God is humans' idealized conception of themselves." (Feuerbach) "After all, is our idea of God anything more than personified incomprehensibility?" (George Lichtenberg) One day after God finished breakfast, He made the world. God is in our image: "Ethiopians have gods with snub noses and black hair; Thracians have gods with gray eyes and red hair." (Xenophanes in Shibles 1971b:29)

Practical Joke. God helps those who help themselves. If you believe you will be saved, you will be. We live to die (life as a tragicomedy.

Pretense. "Religion, it seems to me, can survive only as a consciously accepted system of make-believe." (Aldous Huxley, [or perhaps unconscious]) "It sounds more impressive if you pretend that there's some sort of supernatural or marvelous truth which backs your moral code…myths…which aren't strictly true, but which are convenient." (John Wilson 1968:19)

Reduce to Absurdity. "But I must be guided by my conscience: I step on every crack in the sidewalk. The Bible historians of almost all of the various religions have proved that hundreds of gods exist. We have a perfect right to believe that elephants have wings. He prayed every night-but to the wrong god. Are there dentists in heaven? Eternal pain and punishment! Eternal?-I even hate to go to the dentist. God is male, or female, or neuter, or… "The religion of one seems madness unto another." (Thomas Browne, in Flesch 1957:241) "One religion is as true [false] as another." (Robert Burton Anatomy of Melancholy, 1612:Pt. iii, sect. iv, mem. ii.) Pity the unborn sperm and unfertilized eggs of this world. After death we will all have better penmanship. Believe in peanut butter. "Tillich [theologian] doesn't put new wine into old bottles, he puts in grape soda and then labels it Chateau Latour." (Nielsen in Hook 1961:281) "God is everywhere." "Even in my cereal?" If the U.S. were in the Mid-East, we would believe in Islam instead of Christianity. If I am a good musician in this life, I will become a piano in the next, or a piano tuner. Bicycles have an afterlife. Suppose every author and theorist says about their view, "This is the only truth." "Transcendent," or "the beyond,'' is not like "beyond the next house." "History shows there is a God." In history there are many gods. "I started believing in God at 10:15 yesterday." "Well, look. The very fact that you talk of God shows that you must be talking about something so there is a God." "Then let's talk of trolls."

"You still can't prove God doesn't exist." [This one keeps coming up.] First tell me what God is, is like, or means and then we'll see if God exists in some sense or other. But approach it this way: I can't say God doesn't exist because I don't know what I am talking about. I can't say God does exist for the same reason. Either way I can't say much of anything. But I can say I haven't got hold of an intelligent or meaningful question. So the solution to some puzzles or answers to some questions is to dissolve the question. Throw it away. "It's a God question." [Throw.] "There is an evil spirit in your transmission. We've called a minister." Forget the "fires of hell"-these days we use a microwave. If the First Amendment to the Constitution allows religion, it must allow all kinds of belief including the occult, astrology, satanical beliefs. How to guide your life: Find the most questionable and controversial view and base your life on it. "If I ask you to believe in Irglig, you cannot believe in Irglig no matter how deep your need, because you do not know what to take on faith (on trust)." (Kai Nielsen 1970:144) "If the concept of God defies adequate grasp by human reason, then what can it mean to say that belief in him rests on faith?….How can he distinguish between the assertion, 'I have faith in God,' and the assertion 'I have faith in Mumbo Jumbo?'" (Prof. Sidney Hook 1976:30) Our car won't start. Maybe we should sacrifice a goat. "Argument from design: everything in the world is made just so that we can manage to live in the world. It sometimes takes a rather curious form, for instance, it is argued that rabbits have white tails in order to be easy to shoot." (Bertrand Russell 1957:9-10)