James and Henry Austen
Four Numbers of James and Henry Austen's The Loiterer
Number 1: Saturday, January 31, 1789
Number 2: Saturday, February 7, 1789
Number 3: Saturday, February 14, 1789
Number 4: Saturday, February 21, 1789
NO. I
OF THE
LOITERER.
SATURDAY, January 31, 1789.
Quis novus hic hospes?
THE difficulty of a First Address to the Public has been felt
and lamented by Authors of all ranks and degrees; but by none
perhaps with greater reason than those literary Adventurers who
undertake to supply their countrymen with a regular succession
of moral lectures, critical remarks, and elegant humour, conveyed
through the channel of a Periodical Paper. The Historic and Philosophic
Writers have, in the commencement of their Works, greatly the
advantage over us; being exempted from the necessity, or debarred
the privilege, of choice by the very nature of their subjects;
which, if in some measure a confinement, is also certainly a direction.
But I know not what rule can be laid down for the Periodical
Writer, the variety of whose subjects preclude all attems [sic]
at connection; who is eccentric by principle, and irregular by
system.
Sensible of this disadvantage, and willing to lessen a danger
which they could not prevent, my Predecessors, of periodical memory,
have been particularly anxious to conciliate the good opinion
of the Public at their first setting out, and to quit the shore
with the tide in their favor. To effect this purpose, and render
a first Paper, if not pleasing, at least tolerable, different
means have been adopted, and a variety of styles made use of,
according to the temper and genius, the hopes and fears, of the
Writers. Sometimes the favour of the Reader is bespoke in the
submissive language of distrusting modesty; and his censure, at
others, bid defiance to, in the high strains of assuming confidence.
Recourse has been had alike to the powers of wit and reason--the
initiatory papers now sparkle with the quickness of repartee,
and now swell with the solemnity of sentiment. And since future
success so often depends on present reputation, and first impressions
are seldom affected by subsequent alteration, we cannot wonder
at any degree of pains which Authors exert in order to secure
themselves a favourable reception from that Public, by whose suffrage
they must stand or fall. But it is one of the misfortunes of
human life, that success is not always in exact proportion to
the means used for obtaining it and it often happens, both in
conversation and writing, that too much eagerness or too much
caution defeat their own purpose, and render us confused and dull,
where we particularly wish to be clear and lively. That such
is the case with Lovers, my fair reader, if yet I have any, will
readily allow. That Authors are sometimes in the same predicament,
I fear all my readers are by this time convinced. Should this
be the case, it will only add one to the many proofs we already
have, that it is much easier to talk that to act. And yet perhaps,
after all, the danger of writers is much less, and the good-nature
of readers much greater than is generally supposed. Allowances
are always made for the diffidence of a stranger at this first
introduction into numerous party, and as this kind of colloquial
writing bears the nearest resemblance to conversation, there is
no reason why an equal degree of indulgence should not be extended
to us, who have at least an equal claim to it. In the former
case, a decent reserved demeanor, just half way between the extremes
of pert garrulity and solemn dullness, has been thought by many
to be the most efficacious mode of conciliating the good opinion
of the world, who are not always disposed to allot the honour
of wisdom to the sententious pedant, or to set a man down for
a Wit because he enters the room with a grin upon his countenance.
In the latter case, therefore, we should hope, that plainness
and perspicuity will be the best recommendation of an introductory
Paper, and that the world will forgive an Author's being
a little dull, provided he does not pretend to be very witty.
There are, however, some points of ceremony on these occasions
to be adjusted between Authors and their Readers; who naturally
enquire who are the people that introduce themselves to their
fellow-students as useful advisors or agreeable companions, and
what is the plan of a work thus confidently brought forward to
the eye of the Public, in an age severe because enlightened, and
ill disposed to think well of a present attempt, because rendered
fastidious by the excellence of past performances. In compliance
therefore with the etiquette established on these occasions--We,
the Authors of the LOITERER, announce ourselves to the world as
a small Society of Friends, who have long been accustomed to devote
our winter evening to something like learned pursuits; that is,
to the perusal of the best modern Classics, both in History and
Poetry; and to make such extracts, remarks, and criticisms as
occasionally occurred from the subject before us;--From hence
the transition to other kinds of writing was easy, and in a little
time a number of Essays on various subjects were produced: Nor
let this be wondered at; for of all chymical mixtures, Ink is
the most dangerous and he who has once dipped his fingers in it--
Nor Poppy, nor Mandragoras, &c
But if from reading to writing it is but one step, from writing
to publishing it is less-- and finding in course of time our works
swell upon our hands, after a decent struggle between fear and
vanity, we at length agreed that to keep our Talent any longer
wrapt in a Napkin would be equal injustice to our writings, the
world and ourselves. But though we have so far overcome our natural
modesty, as to comply in some measure with the literary ceremonial,
and introduce ourselves in form to our Readers, we cannot yet
prevail on ourselves to publish our real names and situations, which we hope our Readers will not attempt
to discover; and we rather think they will comply with this our
request, as we assure them that all endeavours of that sort will
be fruitless. In this even Mr. Rann, our publisher,
can give them no assistance, he being entirely ignorant of our
names, though it is probable that some of them have been in his
Books.
But with regard to the plan of our Work, the Public has a
right to more information, and we shall most readily give it;
we beg leave therefore to inform all whom it may concern, that
it is our intention to publish every Saturday morning a paper
of the LOITERER, for the moderate price of Three-pence; and which
we assure them, on the word of gentlemen and authors, shall contain
as much learning, sense, and wit, as we can possibly afford for
the money. And considering the relative value of those commodities,
we flatter ourselves our Readers will not think they have a bad
bargain. But whatever other degree of merit we may possess, two
circumstances will, we flatter ourselves, strongly recommend our
Work to the favour and patronage of the world in general, and
this University in particular. The circumstances I allude to,
are the name of our Work and the time of its publication. Few,
I believe, will be hardy enough to doubt the efficacy of a good
name; and still fewer will deny that name to be well chosen, which
pays a compliment to four-fifths of the English nation. For if
family connection can recommend us to the protection of the great,
what patronage may not the LOITERER hope for, who is allied to
some of the richest men, and the prettiest women, in the kingdom?
Nay, though the Authors of this Work are, to my knowledge, as
poor and as vain as the poorest and vainest of their predecessors,
they solemnly declare, that if only one half of the Loiterers
in this University will take in their papers, their ambition and
their avarice will be fully gratified, and their time and labour
nobly rewarded. We hope, also, our friends will give us some
credit for having so well timed our publication, when we assure
them, that particular orders have been give to Mr. Rann, that
the LOITERER should regularly make his appearance at Nine o'clock,
in order to be served up with the bread and butter, crusts and
muffins, and enter the room in good company. We have been the
more particular in this circumstance, as it is the only hour,
out of the twenty-four, in which there is a probable chance of
finding some of our Brother Loiterers at home, and the only one
in which any of them read: so genteel, and so useful indeed, is
this love of morning study, that were it not for the necessity
of eating breakfast, and of dressing hair, it is to be doubted
weather some of our numerous fraternity would not, in a short
time, forget their letters. In order, therefore, to prevent an
evil, which, to those who are destined to the Church, might be
of serious consequence, we venture to recommend this Work to their
perusal, which, we can assure them, we shall be particularly careful
not to make too long-- no small part of the merit of some modern
publications, and no inconsiderable inducement to modern readers,
who seem almost universally to have adopted the maxim, that a
great book is a great evil. Thus having candidly laid our Plan
before the Public, from the Public we hope to receive as candid
a reception; to find an admission at the breakfast tables of the
unprejudiced and the learned; and to keep our place there as long
as we shall be found agreeable companions, or useful instructors.
Of doing much good in the latter capacity, we are not very sanguine;
nor, of we can succeed in the first, shall we much regret it;
for, however it may be gilded, instruction is but a bitter pill:
and where one reads for information, ten look into a book for
amusement. But however we may succeed or fail, in either or both
of the above particulars, one promise we solemnly make to our
Readers, That we shall banish from our Paper, all Party and Politics,
and their constant attendants, scurrility and scandal; and that
however we at times be dull, insipid, and unentertaining, we will
never be indecent, abusive, or profane.
s.
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View title page for Number 10 of The Loiterer
Number 1: Saturday, January 31, 1789
Number 2: Saturday, February 7, 1789
Number 3: Saturday, February 14, 1789
Number 4: Saturday, February 21, 1789
NO. II
OF THE
LOITERER.
SATURDAY, February 7, 1789
Quippe Domim timet ambiguam, Tyriosque bilingues.
VIRG. AEN.
LANGUAGE has been commonly defined by
Grammarians to be the Art of expressing our
Ideas. Nor was the definition a bad one, during
those times when our rude ancestors were sufficiently
uninformed in the Ars Rhetorica, to speak always
what they really thought. But since we have wisely
banished that absurd custom, I should humbly presume
that the aforesaid definition might also be altered,
and that from henceforward Language be
entitled the Art of concealing our Ideas; and I will
venture to assert it is used infinitely oftener for the
latter purpose than the former, by all ranks and
ages, and at all times and in all places. So totally
indeed is a regard to veracity excluded from the system
of modern ethics, that were it not for diseases,
duns, and wives, who sometimes tell one disagreable [sic]
truths, one would imagine that Truth as well as
Justice had left this degenerate world at the expiration
of the Golden Age. 
And that I may not take
any unfair advantage, I shall say nothing of the
numerous tribes, whose situation authorises and in
some measure obliges them to a continual breach of
veracity; (such as foreign ministers, ladies' maids,
lawyers, and physicians; to which list I may also
add lovers and their mistresses, who can claim so
many precedents in favour of this practice, that
they may be said to lie by prescriptive right) and
only consider how little attention we all of us pay
to truth in the common intercourse of life.
When my friend Jack Saunter enters my room on
a fine day, and catches me with my hat in my hand,
and one glove on, just ready to enjoy my morning's
Walk; he would have a strange opinion of my politeness,
did I not meet him with a smile, entreat
him to sit down, and express myself so wonderfully
happy in his company, that one would imagine I
thought myself obliged to him for depriving me of
my favourite amusement; and my old acquaintance
Capt. Prolix would think me a brute did I not express
myself highly delighted with the account of
the battle of Bunker's Hill, though he well knows
I have not heard it on the most moderate computations
less than two hundred times -- Nay, even my
old paralytic uncle at 96, would take it very ill if
I did not seem exceedingly alarmed whenever he
coughs, though he knows I am to inherit all his
fortune, and that he has plagued our whole family
these twenty years upon the strength of it! Nay,
so utter an aversion have we to Truth, that, not satisfied
with breaking her laws ourselves, we daily
instruct and oblige our servants to do the same;
and, if we can afford such a piece of luxury, even
hire a stout fellow to stand at our door and lie by
the year. Nor has poor Truth been much better
treated in books than in conversation; since not to
mention Poets, who have always claimed exemption
from her rules; even plain scribblers of prose pay
so little regard to her laws, that they commonly
bid her boldly defiance in the very preface, scarce
any of these ingenious gentlemen, forgetting to assure
us, that he was not induced to publish his
work by love of fame or money, and had no other
object in submitting his performance to the Public
than a desire of instructing and amending his fellow
creatures; and this often too, when the first
six pages of his work give the lie to his assertion.
But, of all publication, none are perhaps so deficient
in an adherence to truth, as those well known
Compositions which are daily served up with their
tea to the inhabitants of this country, and which
(perhaps for that very reason) are more studied by
all orders of men than any other work of genius
whatever. I need not after this add, that I allude
to those numerous miscellanies which under the
titles of Gazetteer, Heralds, Chronicles, and Advertisers,
make their appearance to gratify the curiosity,
and encrease the knowledge of all those
whose circumstances are not too narrow to allow
them so innocent and cheap a mode of gaining information;
and in many of which, it may fairly be
said that there are not four exact truths in the whole
four pages.
Many of my readers have possibly perused the works
of Madame Genlis, and may remember a little tale
entitled Le Palais de Verité, a place endowed by its
tutelary Genius with so singular a power, that all
who entered its walls were obliged to speak their
real thoughts without being themselves sensible that
they did so; and the difference between what they
say, and what they intended to say, forms some very
laughable scenes. I have often wished a few copies
of a modern Gazette could be struck off within the
precincts of this Palace, but as that is impossible, I
shall present my readers with an imaginary one,
drawn on the abovementioned plan, and will appeal
to their impartial judgement to determine whether
it is not full as entertaining as the Herald, the
World, and the Star.
HOUSE OF COMMONS.
Monday. -- The House met this day at four, and
the Minister, according to his promise of last week,
rose to open the Budget. He informed the House,
that he very much dislike the subject of Finance at
all times, but that it was particularly disagreeable
to him at present, as the expenditure of the last
year had exceeded the revenue by some hundred
thousand pounds, and would do so next year in a
much greater degree, owing partly to the inefficacy
of some late taxes, but chiefly to the enormous
pensions he was obliged to grant to his friends; a
circumstance, he observed, well known to many in
that House: that as he had not the smallest regard
for his country, her present situation gave him no
uneasiness; and he was therefore resolved to lay on
no new taxes which might draw odium on his administration,
foreseeing that he should be well able
to stand three or four years longer, at which time
he purposed accepting of a Peerage, and enjoying,
the remainder of his life, the fortune he had so honestly
acquired at the beginning of it. He then
read over a number of papers to prove his assertions,
and concluded his speech with saying, that
he cared not a straw what the Opposition bench
could say, as he had taken care to secure a majority.
He was answered by Mr. ----, who began by assuring
the House, that he had no more regard for
his country that the Minister himself; no one who
knew him could suppose he had. He told them,
that he was equally sensible that a proper majority
was secured by the friends of Government; and
that as for the calculation contained in the honourable
Gentleman's speech, he know not whether they
were true, or false, as he had not listened to one
single syllable which had fallen from the honourable
Gentleman -- being entirely taken up in considering
what answer he should make, as he well know it
was expected he should say something; but as he
wished the House to suppose he knew more of the
matter than he really did, he should move, that
certain papers and estimates be laid before them;
that he well knew the intelligence contained in
them was not worth sixpence, but that at worst, if
granted, the perusal of them would save time, and
clog the measure of Government; and if denied,
would throw some odium on the Minister and his friends.
Sir John ---- then rose to defend the measures
of Administration. He was not, he said, perfectly
clear what the Minister's intentions were, but that,
in his heart, he believed them to be very bad; that
he himself had a large family, and a small fortune,
and should think himself a bad father, if he did not
vote for a man, who had already given him so
much, and from whom he expected yet more;
that he should give him his hearty assistance at
present, and would continue to do so as long as
there was no chance of his being turned out; in
which case he meant to make peace with the other
side as well as he could. As soon as the warm
plaudits which followed this speech were a little
subsided, Mr. ----, a young member, got up, and
with great modesty, asked pardon of the House,
for presuming to give his opinion on subjects
which men so much his superiors in age could not
agree on; and added, that nothing but a consciousness
of his own superior abilities, information, and
eloquence, could have prevented him from remaining
silent; that in consequence of this superiority,
he must bespeak the attention of the House for
about five or six hours, whilst he slightly reviewed
the transactions of the present Administration, from
their first assuming the reins of Government to the
present day; which he protested he had not been
more than two months in drawing up. He then
began a long and circumstantial detail of the follies
and blunders of the M ---- and his friends; but
perceiving, at the end of four hours, that one half of
the House was gone to dinner, and the other were
inclined to sleep, he told them, that though he had
much more to say, yet, as they were so d -- d
tasteless, as not to enjoy his rhetoric as it deserved,
he should treat them with no more of it at present.
Upon which, the Speaker having stretched himself
in his chair, the question was put, and carried,
-- and the House adjourned.
FOREIGN OCCURRENCES.
Paris, May -- . This day his Majesty was
pleased to make the following most gracious reply
to the humble petition of his Parliament.
"I am perfectly satisfied of the justice of your
remonstrance. I shall nevertheless persevere in
my measures. I am determined to make you,
and all France, know I will be master -- for I
hate to be a tyrant by halves. -- Car tel est notre
Plaisir."
HOME OCCURRENCES.
Yesterday the church wardens and parish officers
of the parish of ---- dined at the London Tavern,
in order to consider the distressed state of the
Poor in the said parish; and after mature deliberation,
came to a resolution, That their next meeting
should be at the Turk's Head -- the Port at the
former house being thick, and the claret very ill
flavoured.
On Monday last came on the elction of a member
for the borough of Guzzledown, when the
numbers on the poll were,
For Mr. M. ---- 2000 L. 18s. 2 d.
For Sir John S. ---- 1900 L. 4s. 0d.
Mr. M was of course declared duly elected; but
we understand Sir John's friends demand a scrutiny,
under pretence that several of Mr. M.'s guineas
were light.
Any gentleman having a sum not less than two,
or more than four thousand pounds, to dispose of,
may have a most eligible opportunity of gaining at
least 25 per cent. by placing it in the hands of the
advertisers, who are the proprietors of a large and
lucrative Patent manufacture. -- The utmost honour
and secrecy.
N. B. It is recommended to any person whom
this may suit, to be quick in their applications, as
the Advertisers must certainly become Bankrupts
in a week if they do not get the money.
Wanted -- A Curacy in a good sporting country,
near a pack of fox-hounds, and in a sociable neighbourhood;
it must have a good house and stables,
and a few acres of meadow ground would be very
agreeable -- To prevent trouble, the stipend must
not be less than 80l. -- The Advertiser has no objection
to undertaking three, four, or five Churches
of a Sunday, but will not engage where there is any
weekly duty. Whoever has such a one to dispose
of, may suit themselves by sending a line, directed
A. B. to be left at the Turf Coffee House, or the gentleman
may be spoken with, any Tuesday morning at
Tattersall's Betting Room.
C.
Number 3: Saturday, February 7, 1789
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View title page for Number 10 of
The Loiterer
Number 1: Saturday, January 31, 1789
Number 2: Saturday, February 7, 1789
N
umber 3: Saturday, February 14, 1789
Number 4: Saturday, February 21, 1789